DREAMS
We don’t invite them in
We don’t know why they come
We don’t know what they mean
We don’t know where they’re from
They say that we all have them
They’re like a burning ember
They say we’re rearranging
The things that we remember
They sometimes can be scary
They sometimes can be frightening
They sometimes can be strange
They come and go like lightning
Last night I dreamed a dream
As I lay in my bed
I dreamed a lovely dream
Not filled with fear nor dread
I dreamt a dream of hope
I dreamt of me and you
I dreamt that I could make
All our dreams come true
We don’t invite them in
We don’t know why they come
We don’t know what they mean
We don’t know where they’re from
They say that we all have them
They’re like a burning ember
They say we’re rearranging
The things that we remember
They sometimes can be scary
They sometimes can be frightening
They sometimes can be strange
They come and go like lightning
Last night I dreamed a dream
As I lay in my bed
I dreamed a lovely dream
Not filled with fear nor dread
I dreamt a dream of hope
I dreamt of me and you
I dreamt that I could make
All our dreams come true
A PROSTATE STORY
What now my love
My prostate is out
Something’s not working
Our love is in doubt
I take my Viagra
Day after day
It’s not bloody working
No bloody way
I’m off to the doctor
He’ll know the trick
I showed him my penis
And he gave it a prick
He said ‘Hurry off now
Although it will last
Don’t dally in public
It works pretty fast’
I went home to the wife
I did have the power
I gave her no peace
For over an hour
And so here is the moral
Of this sordid story
I don’t have my prostate
But I still have my glory
What now my love
My prostate is out
Something’s not working
Our love is in doubt
I take my Viagra
Day after day
It’s not bloody working
No bloody way
I’m off to the doctor
He’ll know the trick
I showed him my penis
And he gave it a prick
He said ‘Hurry off now
Although it will last
Don’t dally in public
It works pretty fast’
I went home to the wife
I did have the power
I gave her no peace
For over an hour
And so here is the moral
Of this sordid story
I don’t have my prostate
But I still have my glory
HAPPY XMAS (THERE’S NO DINNER)
And so this is Christmas
And what have they done?
Sold all the turkeys
Sprouts there are none
I looked in the aisles
No carrots, no peas
All that I’m left with
Is crackers and cheese
There must be a pudding
And some brandy butter
They just laughed and said
Are you some kind of nutter?
I saw some mulled wine
I’ll have some of that
‘For display purposes only’
You short sighted pratt
Is there jelly and ice cream
Some rich sherry trifle?
The loud peals of laughter
They could no longer stifle
It’s quarter past five mate
Today’s Christmas Eve
We’re ready to close
So please can you leave
The lesson is learned
The moral is clear
I’ll be doing my shopping
Somewhat sooner next year
And so this is Christmas
And what have they done?
Sold all the turkeys
Sprouts there are none
I looked in the aisles
No carrots, no peas
All that I’m left with
Is crackers and cheese
There must be a pudding
And some brandy butter
They just laughed and said
Are you some kind of nutter?
I saw some mulled wine
I’ll have some of that
‘For display purposes only’
You short sighted pratt
Is there jelly and ice cream
Some rich sherry trifle?
The loud peals of laughter
They could no longer stifle
It’s quarter past five mate
Today’s Christmas Eve
We’re ready to close
So please can you leave
The lesson is learned
The moral is clear
I’ll be doing my shopping
Somewhat sooner next year
DATING
We sat at the table
He looked at me
The words came slowly
Sporadically
So what do you do?
What does he mean?
For a job or something
Should I come clean?
I work with people
I make them feel good
I make them feel
The way that they should
His interest was piqued
He sat up in his chair
I looked in his eyes
I was freaked by his stare
I’m a physiotherapist
What did you think?
I could see that this date
Was beginning to stink
Excuse me a moment
I said as I rose
I’ve just got to go
And powder my nose
I made for the ladies
But didn’t go in
I left pretty sharp
This one’s in the bin
We sat at the table
He looked at me
The words came slowly
Sporadically
So what do you do?
What does he mean?
For a job or something
Should I come clean?
I work with people
I make them feel good
I make them feel
The way that they should
His interest was piqued
He sat up in his chair
I looked in his eyes
I was freaked by his stare
I’m a physiotherapist
What did you think?
I could see that this date
Was beginning to stink
Excuse me a moment
I said as I rose
I’ve just got to go
And powder my nose
I made for the ladies
But didn’t go in
I left pretty sharp
This one’s in the bin
SUICIDE
He stands high upon the bridge The People stop and stare He looks upon the crowd with scorn He knows that no one cares He gazes upon the gleaming water And thinks 'what a lovely day' Wonders what tomorrow will be And then he flys away |
DEMENTED
I can’t remember yesterday What day it is today? What did I have for lunch? Whatever that they say People come and visit I should really know their name I really can’t distinguish To me they look the same Do I want to live like this? No longer can I choose It’s down to someone else The decision’s God who knows Should I fret, should I worry? Should I ask ‘can I go home?’ They will say tomorrow Will tomorrow ever come? I’m no longer who I was I feel like I’m alone God come and take my body My mind’s already gone |
AMAZON ARE GOING TO TOWN
You better watch out
If you’re going to buy
You better watch out
I’m telling you why
Amazon are going to town
If you’ve got a list
No need to think twice
You can find anything
Either naughty or nice
Amazon are going to town
They know when you are sleeping
They know when you’re awake
They’ll sell you anything you want
Be it real or be it fake
So you better watch out
If you’re going to buy
Just leave it alone
If the price is too high
Amazon are going to town
Amazon the prices are down
DEAR FRIEND
Although you are departed
You are never ever gone
In our hearts our minds and memories
You go on, and on, and on
Those that knew you well
The stories they will tell
Thoughts to which they cling
Will joy to others bring
Those who you loved best
They surely will attest
That you were always there
When they were in despair
When you float into our mind
We’ll remember happy times
We sat and spent a while
We’ll think of you and smile
There always will remain
The mention of your name
And though life is not the same
I know we’ll meet again